into any of her mother’s dresses.
She’d go in the closet
eye the garments, breathing hot breath on them
like silk
watch the fabric beneath her fingers,
those darn dresses
those darn beautiful dresses.
Zipping up she squeezed
first — her breath then –
her chest
nothing would ever zip.
Once she ate a grape all day only a grape
nothing zipped.
Josephine Rosalie would never fit
into any of those dresses
those darn dresses
those darn beautiful dresses.
She could
wear the false jewelry matter of fact
she’d prefer tape it to the body.
This is surgery.
Surgery is more important than fitting in things that don’t fit
like fancy old dresses or shoes
so she’d handle Mamaw’s surgeries in a toy room with a trophy case.
The surgeries were mostly brain, heart, sometimes a limb.
Rhinestone sutures, letter opener
rows of fake pearls held in place by a bandage.
Buttons spilling out once in a while
when somebody moved.
It is important not to move.
Do not disturb the stitches!
Try not to laugh.
But most importantly
do not move.
look i’m a show you a single stitch
anything you can do in the car
well i just make it up
it’s still moving in the same direction
i have two eyes!
why does it know which direction it’s going
it just does, i don’t know
why does it know
i think it knows
sweetheart
here let me show you
you never go in the first, you go in the second. i’m pulling
but this one I’m pulling up
and back
see
i bring this around back over see it’s beautiful! i’ve taken the sash from the window.
you go in go in pull it through see
and you weave you weave you weave
it’s the hook one time go in go in
and this is my favorite part
erotic table design indefinitely i open
I love red wine
beautiful chalices
candlelight
white robes incense
hardwood soft music
roses
gentle hands lasagna dinners
red wine
beautiful chalices
blessed and locked special box
everything so beautiful
beautiful
I can’t wait to get up there Jesus Christ!
mamaw aline gave me popcorn balls
apples & oranges
when i accidentally kicked her under the table she kicked me back
in the shins
which at seven i resented something fierce
mamaw ruth gave me hamburgers pizza
bags & bags of candy
coddled adored & loved me
to death
a taste of peanut butter
gets frozen on your face
once you experience great physical pain
anguish suffering it’s subconscious
if you’ve been in physical pain for a time
anguish pain and suffering
are frozen on your face not yet
thawed
not yet melted
for some, that expression sticks
when they told you ‘go to god’ you didn’t know the door you knock
on a place where somebody hands you a new scared expression
they photograph it frame it put it on the living room table
kind of picture you imagine your dad has hidden away somewhere
of his time fighting a war he didn’t want
now there’s a picture of the remnants of pain frozen on your own young face
you’re the next cover model for National Geo in your sister’s photography collection
some bird with an expression of pain frozen on her face
not that you can’t experience happiness
not that you can’t smile for the camera
not that you don’t get why people are smiling
you can
you do
you do
you
just also identify
with that pain in others
before it melts as it
melts
you want to be part of the reason of melting it not
keeping it
frozen
there
like something stinks
a half-sneer
to ward off many a fair-weather friend
or suitor I suppose
who may mistake me
for someone who
smells something pleasant but let me tell you
whatever it is
it’s
how I was born
“What’s wrong with you”
“Oh you look so unhappy”
I was born with a look on my face
like something stinks
Now you mention it standing here so close
It does I swear Whatever it is
It does
I am a tree grown on your shore
even if I were cut and burned
my sticks and flints and roots and flecks
inside your mud and rock
churn
So dig this big crux
not even the sand
not even the sand
can part us
not even the wind
not even the wind
can part us
not even the waves
not even the waves
can part us
not even the shore
nor the sea
can part us